When I think about you not being here with me (I actually think about you all the time), it makes me sick to my stomach. I miss you so much it physically hurts. Whenever I talk about you, I feel a knot in my throat. I can’t picture myself with anyone but you. And time goes by and does it’s crazy thing but, how I feel doesn’t change, it never goes away, even when I hate you for leaving me, for not loving me enough, it doesn’t weather. How I cried myself to sleep wishing I could feel you close to me one more time. How I wish I could just stop feeling because it hurts so much. I want to move on, I want to walk away and just remember you every now and then as someone I was fond of. I’m tired and frustrated because I don’t understand you, I don’t know what it is that you want or feel… sometimes I think you don’t even know that yourself. I can go and conquer the world and make my wildest dreams come true but, in the end you are not here. I feel as if I lost a part of me, you took and I want it back. I play it cool, I cry when no one sees me, I dream of you. I’m in hell.

得到這麼多　怎麼感覺未快樂
走得這麼近　是否真正沒隔膜
開心這麼多　為何活著如幻覺
爛醉擁抱哼句歌　然後又　又怎麼

前行萬里捨不了當初　你早掉低我　但沒有別離過
旁人帶著艷羨　來說實在期望想做我
但我一顆心　卻永遠反鎖

人來人離這麼多　從來無人進入心窩
永遠記住前事我也覺得折磨　如早已預知的後果
如何愛清楚　日落提示分針下的歲月如梭
若果繼續這樣傻　我都失笑感觸我
看著時日過　我還在等什麼

i’ve never gotten so trashed before and the hangover is really bad. but i think it was for a good cause. now that i’m sober, i feel so much better.

i think i’ve made my decision. let’s hope it’s a good one.

我以后都不要再谈恋爱了。

今天我忽然又想起了他， 原来不知不觉我们已经分开快要3年了。其实已经是好久好久以前的事，是过去，是回忆。

现在的我觉得很幸福，很温馨， 原来时间真的会冲淡一切。当时的感觉好像世界末日，我以为我再也不会快乐，不会幸福，真傻。

希望他也觉得幸福。

最近很喜欢这首歌，让我感触良多：https://download.yousendit.com/TTZrYlJabWdUWUEwTVE9PQ

突然發現站了好久

不知道要往哪走 還不想回家的我　再多人陪只會更寂寞

許多話題關於我　就連我也有聽過

我的快樂要被認可　委屈卻沒有人訴說

夜把心　洋蔥般剝落 拿掉防衛剩下什麼 為什麼脆弱時候想你更多

如果你也聽說　有沒有想過我

像普通　舊朋友　還是你　依然會心疼我

好多好多的話想對你說　懸著一顆心沒著落 要怎麼負荷

捨不得又無可奈何

如果你也聽說　會不會相信我 對流言　會附和

還是你　知道我還是我

跌跌撞撞才明白了許多

懂我的人就你一個

想到你想起我　胸口依然溫熱

許多話題關於我　就連我也有聽過

我想我寧可都沉默　解釋反而顯得做作

Yesterday was the ROM of someone very close to my heart. We’d known each other since young, been close girlfriends since JC. And yesterday, in the presence of the people she loves and who loves her as well, she committed herself for life to the person she loves the most in the world. The vows they made touched my heart, and I am unbelievably happy for her. She looked so blessed and so content, I know her decision is right. Through all these years, she’s always tried her best to be there for me, through smses, meetups, phonecalls and stayovers. And even though people change, circumstances change, in my heart we’ll always be the two happy girls who walked and walked from Holland to Orchard and more.

Ting, I heart you, and may you live in a house full of sunshine, with hearts full of cheer, and your love grow deeper each day of the year.

He gave me a present for Christmas!

I totally did not expect it, so it was a pleasant surprise and I love love love it haha. He’s not the kind of guy who usually buys presents. Apparently, I’m probably about the only person who’s received stuff from him haha. But the last few times, he just asked me what I wanted and bought me what I asked for. So this time, I felt touched that he went shopping on his own and bought me a gift. I guess it’s not a very romantic gift, it’s a 100% cashmere shawl (black ). But it suits me, and it’s sweet cos he knows I’m always cold in the malls and cinemas and he bought it for me to keep me warm. Honestly, I’ve always been a bit dubious about cashmere before cos it looks so thin and I failed to see how it could keep anyone warm. But after testing it, I see why cashmere is so expensive… it’s thin but it really keeps me warm and it feels nice on the skin. And whenever I use it, I feel loved

My christmas gift(s) to myself are so numerous, I can’t count hahaha. I bought a pair of heels from Enzo Angiolini (Nine West) that I could not resist. But it was on discount and I had the 5% Isetan credit card discount, so I guess it’s quite worth it. Maybe I shall wear it to Ting’s ROM or wedding dinner hehehe. Ummm I also bought some Dermalogica stuff from strawberrynet and they gave me a free eyeshadow pan haha. And today, I ordered quite a bit of eyeshadow, blush, bronzer samples and a cream eraser from Pure Luxe. Plus, about 2 weeks ago, I spent about $400 at the Mango sale. I am so not spending anymore money

I’m actually really happy right now. The boy makes me happy and he dotes on me. It’s really nice to have someone treat me with such care and I feel touched by all his little actions. Insisting on sending me home every single time, carrying my heavy stuff without me having to ask, buying me soup and making sure that I eat properly when I’m sick, the list goes on. It’s such a 180 degrees difference from the ex and I feel thankful that he was around during my bleakest times. I don’t think I could’ve pulled through as easily without him. I really do love him an awful lot

I dreamt about my ex and his china girl. In my dream, he said a lot of cutting things. Stuff like how I never mattered to him and that he never cared about me at all. His china girl slapped me and told me that he’d never loved me at all. They threw me an itemised bill for all the things he bought for me and wanted me to pay them back. And they wanted to take away my Haku.

I woke up crying.

I don’t know whether it’s a side effect of all the flu medication, that I’m dreaming about him. I’ve stopped dreaming about him for so long, so long. And now this sudden dream about him brings back all the pain and the hurt. I thought I was doing so much better, I’d finally gotten the courage to throw away the wax figurine of our hands together and the stupid keychain. I was slowly feeling strong enough to think that I could finally make myself view the photos we’d taken in the states instead of leaving them in the .rar format. I can’t believe I cried over him again.

Ah ting, I miss you