Nightmare

I dreamt about my ex and his china girl. In my dream, he said a lot of cutting things. Stuff like how I never mattered to him and that he never cared about me at all. His china girl slapped me and told me that he’d never loved me at all. They threw me an itemised bill for all the things he bought for me and wanted me to pay them back. And they wanted to take away my Haku.

I woke up crying.

I don’t know whether it’s a side effect of all the flu medication, that I’m dreaming about him. I’ve stopped dreaming about him for so long, so long. And now this sudden dream about him brings back all the pain and the hurt. I thought I was doing so much better, I’d finally gotten the courage to throw away the wax figurine of our hands together and the stupid keychain. I was slowly feeling strong enough to think that I could finally make myself view the photos we’d taken in the states instead of leaving them in the .rar format. I can’t believe I cried over him again.

Ah ting, I miss you