Protected: A Chinese Odyssey 2
October 10, 2006
情已逝，缘已尽
October 8, 2006
sorry ting, haven’t felt like talking for the past 2 weeks, so i haven’t contacted you.
this whole relationship thing has been a major drain really. the status… it’s grey. so we’re kinda on a break, but we haven’t broken up. he wants a break from thinking about this issue, doesn’t want to deal with the fact that he’s a philandering bastard who thinks he loves the two of us equally. but even though we’re on a break, he still calls me regularly, addresses me intimately as “dear” and “wife”, oh and tells me he loves me. seems like he just wants to have his cake and eat it too.
i don’t care anymore. i’m just using this time apart to get over him. he doesn’t know it, but the more he drags on about this issue, the more i’m starting to detest him, the more i’m thinking that i don’t want to be in this situation, the more i think that i deserve someone who truly loves me.
these few weeks, i felt like i was moving in slow motion, and everything around me was moving so fast, and i just wanted to go back to the past. to when things were normal, to when i was happy, to when i wasn’t the poor girl whose boyfriend cheated on her and kept hurting her over and over again, and didn’t seem to care he was doing it. i didn’t know how to live normally. i didn’t know how to be this person… how to be this wen. how did all this happen? how did i end up in this situation? why am i alone? where is the person i love(d) so much?
i still don’t know the answers..but i’m dealing with it better… let’s meet up for japanese dessert. i still owe you that.
