decisions

It’s one thing to forgive him, it’s another to think about the future again. It was never a question that we were going to get married after we’re both stable financially, but now it’s become a big question mark in my life. It disturbs me because if I don’t see a future together, then what is the point of being together? I don’t know what the answer is but I really hope I get it when we meet again.

I re-read an email I wrote him a while ago. Part of it went “喜欢一个人不一定要每天都能见到对方， 也不一定要常常在他的身边， 只要心里有他就足够。也许这不容易，不过我相信我们俩都可以做到。我希望在一年之后，我们会更珍惜彼此，因为幸福不是必然的。” Now it seems sort of ironic in a way. 是我们的感情经不起考验吗？ 还是我做得不够好？ 本来很有条理的生活变得模糊不清。

我还是好想念他，是不是很没有用？

I’ve booked the tickets. I’ll be flying off on 3 September and flying back on 18 September 2006 (SG time). Wish me luck.

fucked up beyond all recognition

so in one day, my life has turned topsy turvy. many of the things that i thought were certain in my life…suddenly become all weird and wrong. i don’t know how to deal with it.

i hurt. i hurt up down left right center.