我们又吵架了

我真不明白为什么我们永远都是为了些小事吵架。他总是会说些让我心里难受得话，而我又总是沉不住气，会发脾气。因为我发脾气，他也生气，结果我们就不欢而散。

是不是因为我们根本就不适合呢？

我其实很快就会气消，我是吃软不吃硬，只要他肯道歉，我就没事了。偏偏他是一个比较小气的人，需要很多时间才能放开，就算我道歉他还是会生闷气。

其实我是不是爱嘉不够深？我从前不会对文祥发脾气，为什么现在我不能忍？1月5日我还是想起了他。尽管已经过了4年，原来就算我多么开心，我还是会记起他，怀念他。尽管他做了伤害我的事， 但我和他的过去还是那么的刻骨铭心。他，还会想我吗？我知道是不会的，他是一个拿得起放得下的人，他决定了放弃我，就不会把我放在心上。

而嘉呢？我在他心中又是什么样的地位？其实我知道他是爱我的，尽管他不会表达，也不会做任何浪漫的事来哄我开心，但他对我无微不至，只要是我想要的， 他都会尽量为我做。为什么我不能全心全意地爱他？我为什么不能多迁就他，不要那么无理取闹？

我应该怎么办？嘉，我不知道。我是不是应该放弃你，让你寻找自己的幸福？

i like this.

When I think about you not being here with me (I actually think about you all the time), it makes me sick to my stomach. I miss you so much it physically hurts. Whenever I talk about you, I feel a knot in my throat. I can’t picture myself with anyone but you. And time goes by and does it’s crazy thing but, how I feel doesn’t change, it never goes away, even when I hate you for leaving me, for not loving me enough, it doesn’t weather. How I cried myself to sleep wishing I could feel you close to me one more time. How I wish I could just stop feeling because it hurts so much. I want to move on, I want to walk away and just remember you every now and then as someone I was fond of. I’m tired and frustrated because I don’t understand you, I don’t know what it is that you want or feel… sometimes I think you don’t even know that yourself. I can go and conquer the world and make my wildest dreams come true but, in the end you are not here. I feel as if I lost a part of me, you took and I want it back. I play it cool, I cry when no one sees me, I dream of you. I’m in hell.